The ‘HIM’ effect – The growth

i_inspirational_quotes_020_4f730d2f5e0a5When we got home, it was weird but I couldn’t stop thinking about the guy from the club. Hmmmm hold on let’s give him a name hey….lets go with Jason. Now it wasn’t because that night was epic and we had such a great time, it was more of a ‘I’ve seen that guy before’ moment. The more i thought about it the more it irked me. Most times when guys say ‘yeah i’ll holla at you’ or ‘holla at me’ i don’t really pay them any mind, and in this situation, nothing was different. So next day came and we were a little hammered in the morning/afternoon, but nothing a little Chinese meal couldn’t get rid of. We decided to take a walk and kinda just roam around, ‘get some fresh air’ i think was the term we used. We had another party that night so we had to go buy a bottle of alcohol, so that was another reason to leave the house. Got our Chinese and bottle in hand, thinking about it now that bottle should have really only represented me and Sandy like she had said (i’ll save that for another post). Got home, munched on some of that good good then jammed for a little. Kinda waiting for the time for us to get ready because we don’t like getting places early or getting ready and sitting there waiting for time to pass by.

PARTYTIME!! So we ready, was raining outside…Bummer! But that wasn’t going to stop us, we called our cab and got a lil lost but found the house in the end…thanks to the birthday boy. So we get in there was pretty empty, but you know how we like to move on ‘black time’, i don’t understand why we so chill about timing you know. Anyhoo, mixed our drinks and started to enjoy the music and all, the company was great, more people came…I must say it was dope! There’s me enjoying my self, moving to the beat…then jab jab in my arm “Ceecee there’s Jason from last night.” So there i am thinking ‘okay so how is that my business??’ I just ignore and move on with enjoying my night. I’ll explain why i did this, even though i was physically attracted to him and also there was something else drawing me to him, i was not about to draw attention to myself for him to notice i was there or whatever for the simple fact that there was nothing happening between us and at that time i just didn’t give a f*&$ whether he was there or wasn’t. So i got on with my night, he got on with his night..i was heavily unaware of how much of a part this person was to play in my life later on. So i kept getting nudged by another friend most of the night trying to get me to pay attention to Jason, but i wasn’t trying to have it. Party done, headed home and munched on a whole bunch of shit early that morning. Slept and when we woke up it was time for Sandy to leave :(, said our ‘see you laters’ and i went back in and klonked!

Fast forward to about a week I should think, maybe two not sure anymore since i have been trying to block out a lot of this period in my life. I had ended up out and happened to bump into him then later received a ‘hey stranger..’ message, yeah you know them ones lol. So boom started talking again and one thing led to another, spent significant amounts of time with this fella. Now I ain’t gonna tell you the ins and outs of this ‘complication’ because that’s for both of us to know but giving a minor outline won’t hurt. One memory that stands out for me is the first time he spent the night at my house, not in the way you guys are probably thinking, weirdly we spoke loads that night and slept. I really like that and till this day I still cherish that moment, only because I believe that’s who he actually is and not this monstrous being he became or maybe that’s what i just want to believe. That night he was so unlike what I imagined, he was quiet to begin with, I had to tell him to feel free and i’m glad he did. That night was the time i told myself, “just let go and go with the flow, don’t expect anything from him, just have fun.” I applied this and went on the ride…a ride that later cost me so much happiness, but funny i don’t regret any of it. I had loads of fun with Jason, laughed and joked a lot.

They are a few things i do regret about that time that i would do different, and its having certain people around me giving me senseless advice that i foolishly followed.

Then in December it all became too real….He gave me the greatest gift ,yet gave me one of my life’s greatest pains, all at the same time.

M.B.C x

*Decided to shorten it because there was too much detail loool…*


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s