The one that got away?? B.A.M

7235ce1a737d16c95a51e3f9efabaea5Have you ever been with someone that you know was right for you but just came at the wrong time, but you know that time will never come back? I mean the time they were right for you, like it would only be if you grew together in multiple areas of your life. However growing apart makes it impossible to be more than friends.

I have…

This one was so unexpected, like I did not go there with the intention of meeting someone who I would come to really like. When I went to Uni there was so much going on inside my big ass head that I didn’t want to really put myself out there and make loads of friends and stuff. I had a friend who I went college with that was my house mate so I was really content with that and plus we had mutual friends so they could come over and visit both of us.

When I was younger I loved a good party or club night (I’m not old by the way just that I started to party at a young age so got tired quick.) When I went to uni I was at that point and I think I still am, where I can go out and have fun but I wouldn’t do it often , it would wear me out. Anyhoo so it was around end of October, if I’m not wrong, when I told myself I’m gonna go out and just have fun. Friday, November 2nd 2012…put on some leggings and a cute top, it was cold! Went clubbing with 2 of my house mates (at the time), I was excited yet somewhat uncomfortable I don’t know why. The night was good, met some of my house mates friends who today for some weird reason hate me lol, not that I did anything to them personally or even gave them attitude…I think this is why I find it hilarious. I tend to be a person who just lives the way I want and in my own way, which is understandable not all would like that. I’m going off the rail now, back to the ‘story.’

This night was very interesting in many ways, 1) there was someone I was, what’s the best word, I can’t find one but yeah there was an insignificant person who tried too many times to make themselves such a significant person in my life. He was such a fool, but so was I lool. 2) it was my first night out in Brighton, checking out the club/party scene…it was rather interesting I must say lol. 3) the main character of this post was present.

Through out the night there was one person’s eyes that kept following me and I wondered why, it was so weird. I mean I’m far from unattractive but that night I wasn’t particularly oozing sexiness,  in my opinion which happens to be the most important to me lol. The music was great, the atmosphere was interesting so I guess I could say I had a good night. The DJ started to slow down the tracks and I knew it was about that time we go get our coats and headed home. Last song I danced to was so good but even though I was dancing with someone, my attention was on someone else. Lights come on and my house mate said she needed the bathroom and went off, this guy then proceeds to call me over with his hand (you know them ‘come over here’ hand gestures) I laughed so hard inside, like I was gonna take myself there kmt. So he then walked up to me, hello’s and conversation went ahead and numbers were exchanged and blah, not going to go into detail of how I ended up giving him my number but it was sure a process lol.

He came over to my house the next day!! lmao and we just chilled really, it was so fun. Some people reading this now are like hmmmm see she gave it easy..eh eh don’t assume the freaky happened! We just talked loads and ate anbam-by-any-means-74284362d talked and talked and watched a movie and talked, and finally slept. He talked me through all his tattoos and how each of them had meaning. Woke up in the morning with him there and his multiple alarms going off (which he never heard he claimed), it was really nice. It was nice because he didn’t push for anything, we did speak about it though. He told me if I was not comfortable he wasn’t going to force me but whatever was to happen he would respect me either way. He wanted more but not right now because he didn’t think he was ready for such commitment, for some weird reason the things he said sounded so sincere or maybe that’s just how I wanted to hear them. He definitely had a different aura from the other guys I had met, he was honest about what he wanted…that was dope!

Days passed, weeks passed we spoke often but lost contact out of the blue. I was pissed because I thought he’s not getting what he wants so he’s bounced. I never once wanted to entertain the though that it could be something else so I just dislike him from a distance and promised myself I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him. I even found a rebound right quick, yup the ‘church boy’ from the previous post lool. I was so hurt yo, like only up until a few days ago when I sat and said to myself “You know you gotta free yourself from all this anger and stuff, you gotta forgive all the people that have done you wrong b” Its so weird though that most of this anger was not for the people that stabbed me in the back because I had already done away with that anger, it was for this guy, ‘the him effect’ guy and for an ex that I dated in college lol.

Anyway, so I hadn’t seen this guy anywhere in Brighton, and believe me that was very weird esp considering what he did. Months had passed, exam time had come round studying hard for a course I wasn’t particularly happy with, I didn’t put in my all, I just wanted the year to be over. Was walking to a friend’s, more like a big brother, house to eat I think and BOOM! He was there crossing the road, the first time I had seen him in months…I was relieved that he was okay yet I was fuming eh. The way I just ducked and rushed my friend lol, that day was so funny. It was also the birth of my ‘older brother’ asking me why I had decided to downgrade lmao….thinking about this makes me miss those days lol.

Summer holidays had come, went back home was glad to be out of that place lol. Went to Zambia that year and boy o boy did I not find drama when I got back but that’s a whole different story, ‘the insignificant trying to be significant’ guy tryna wreck my reputation and life pshhhh move over please! lol

Anyway I got back surprise surprise I flunked and had to retake exams from 2 modules lool, which I passed in the end woohoo! So during that time I had to get back to Brighton to attend pre exam lectures and what not, came back and was really just laying low you know, I just wanted peace because I was surrounded by so much unnecessary drama. Casj walking to the shop at the end of my road to pick up a few snacks and what not, there was 2 cars outside the shop playing music and these guys talking and what not, I immediately recognised one voice and just cussed under my breath. Went into the shop got what I went for and attempted to quietly pass these guys and head home, esp after hearing one of them talk about my ‘ass’ when I walked passed the first time. However this time there was only 1 car there and he called out my name and said hi, I froze for a sec then my insides started to burn and my brain got the signal from my heart that I was vex with this guy and I did the most childish thing ever loool. “Ummmm do I know you?” 

It was so bad, immediately I said it my heart was just like ‘B you a fool’ lmao. That wasn’t the most pleasant exchange but whatever I managed to get away from that encounter, the walk home I was really beating myself up because I really wanted to know how he was doing. I got home and messaged him why I did that and that I was really hurt when he just disappeared into thin air and all he said was ‘I understand.’

He didn’t know at that time but he was the only one who could really handle my sass, but he does know now lol. There was a time where I would sit and play out different scenarios of that day but what’s the point of living with ‘what if’. I don’t like having what if’s in my life but he was the biggest one. If you happen to read this, I didn’t mean what I said that day, I can’t tell you face to face, too much pride still lmao. You taught me B.A.M (By Any Means)!

M.B.C x

 

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