Hey guys today I’m gonna talk to you (hmmm talk 🤔🤔 maybe not talk but write..well just imagine you can hear my voice whatever voice you have applied to my person lol)
Already trailing off, c’mon B, FOCUS!
Okay so today’s topic is *drum roll* ‘The importance of dating someone with the same beliefs.’ I remember not long ago I sat on the fence with this one and often times I hopped onto the other side in support of dating whoever as long as you ‘love’ them. However as I have grown and dated I am seeing things very differently, having the same beliefs is so important in a relationship, it changes so much in a relationship.
*Before we go any further please do not misunderstand this post, it is my personal opinion backed up by my personal experiences. Also when I am referencing some stuff in my relationships I will as always keep the other persons name and other stuff private..you know don’t want nobody coming after me hahahahahaha.*
So lets adopt some kind of organisation to aid the flow…hmmm I have a list of topics but I don’t want it to read like instructions or something like that. I will play around and marry some topics and hopefully we can cover them all in one post if not there will be more parts…ohhh more content lol.
When we are in relationships we go through many things together and some more personal (not that you cannot share them but they only really affect you if that makes sense), because even if we have someone we are dating we are also our own person. Now when these things hit and start to affect your relationship, or maybe not even your relationship but you as a solo person how do we deal with these things? Lets throw in an example to give provide some context so we can grasp it better. Lets start with a simple one because there will be mini exercises throughout this post, to make it more interactive (don’t worry you don’t have to send me answers lool).
I think I have mentioned before about me going through depression and a really tough time in my life when I just wanted it to all end. It was such a dark time in my life however I worked through my issues and paid more attention to me. I spent so much time picking myself up and sitting on the fence with my faith, therefore it took much longer to pull myself out of that dark hole. Why am I giving you this brief background? So you can better understand the example I am about to give. Having gone through that and knowing what got me there, if I see any signs that I am slipping back I get so scared (well I got so scared until recently). Recently I had a mini episode because everything was just going wrong, nothing was going to plan, I had so many things thrown at me and I started to drown again. When I noticed this I spoke to a couple of people about it, I said to them that I felt I was slipping back into that darkness and I got very different responses from these two people. Now I am not knocking anyone down, that is how they are wired and that’s fine but that’s not how I am wired…make sense? I made such a big mistake in expecting the people to respond in the way I would want or to realise that I was crying out for help and when I didn’t get the attention or the motivation I needed…I had a light bulb moment.
In moments like this when I would feel like I’m slipping away I turned to God, I would get on my knees and pray and I’d feel so light after. I didn’t do this though, I was kind of expecting my partner to be like “Don’t worry babe, God has got you…let’s pray about it.” I feel like I have to keep stressing this does not make the person a bad person, we just have different beliefs and this is one reason dating someone with the same beliefs as you is important and in a sense easier. When you go through stuff or you have a disagreement you draw wisdom or you seek help from the same source (God in my case) and you understand each other better. Does that mean you cannot understand someone with different beliefs? No, it doesn’t mean that at all but when revisited by similar problems it is easier to brush things under the rug as you fear disagreeing with that person or you start to turn to other people for aid that you should really have within your relationship. This is not only with bad situations but good situations too, if you really believe that everything great you manage to achieve is not by your own might for ‘Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world’…your partner might have a different outlook on this and then we find we hold ourselves back with giving God the glory and lifting His name higher because of this. Not that your partner makes you feel like what you are doing is wrong but you just don’t feel comfortable do that because you know they don’t believe that.
Following this I just want to touch on the importance of praying together. It is important to speak life into your relationship, taking your requests to God together and if it is His will it shall be done. How awesome is this?
Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven
The next one is also a big one, the big C word…communication. I have not always practised this and oh didn’t I learn the hard way. After picking up the pieces following a horrible relationship I have always stressed to the people I ‘see’ that communication is so important. When people hear this they automatically think it is only the big things that require thorough communication, but it starts with the small things. Little things such as letting your partner know that you have got home safe, to letting them know that you are unable to speak on the phone rather than ignore the call. Now if understanding is varied in regards to this then you have a big problem, because it makes the relationship somewhat lopsided. The one who values communication will start to feel like they aren’t heard and could possible then shut down, then the other half will start to notice changes and will place blame on the other. We often don’t stop to think that it maybe us who was in the wrong and caused this person to respond differently. Communication is so important as you get rid of all the small small things that tend to cause misunderstanding. This could also lead to misunderstandings such as confusing honesty with attack. What do I mean?
If you have another half try doing this exercise with them…if you single do the exercise too, make sure to be honest with yourself. There is no correct answer or some kind of conclusion so please just continue reading the post a’righhhtt!!
Is there something your partner does that REALLY bothers you but you haven’t told them because you are afraid of their reaction? If yes go and tell them, making sure that you are paying attention to your delivery. After this sit down with them and ask them how it made them feel that you were open with them about this.
Singles, imagine you had a partner and they came and told you something you do that really bothers them…how would you respond? how would that make you feel that they are so open to come tell you this?
I am really trying to condense everything and hoping it still makes sense…or maybe my head works differently lol.
Okay, back to it.
Opposites attract….not entirely true. It is common knowledge that we are drawn to people we share similarities with be it in a friendship, lover relationships or even within the family. So why do we always try to thrown in this theory? I once ‘saw’ (if you remember my previous posts this is the term we use across the board ‘seeing’ lool) someone who was in more ways completely different to me, we had different religious beliefs…I’m Christian and he is of a different religion (see what I did there *wink wink*). He loved going out, I didn’t, I mean I could go out and have fun but it wasn’t and still isn’t my favourite activity. There were other minor and major differences but apart from enjoying sleeping with each other (wait let me not speak for him) there really wasn’t anything drawing us together. This proved for me that there needed to be more that we were interested in and the most important being having similar spiritual beliefs. We had gone through something that knocked both of us so hard but we were unable to come to a joint decision, I ended up lying to the person that I had dealt with it in the way they wanted but I didn’t believe or agree with. In the end I brought so much pain and hurt on myself and started to hate myself especially after something bigger happened and I couldn’t look to the person for comfort because I blamed him for all of it.
Think back to a relationship you had in which the person was more so or completely opposite to you…what problems did you often encounter? How did you overcome them?
I think having beliefs/ethics that compliment each other is important because it allows for freedom and wholly giving yourself to a person and not holding back for any reason.
Take care guys and remember always walk in love.
I have decided to divide it into parts so you don’t get too bored reading on and on, part two will be released on Thursday.