You are what??!

I’m celibate, what is the big deal?

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How did you decide to be celibate? Why did you choose to be celibate? Those are some of the common questions asked. In the beginning it started off as me not being in a relationship then quickly turned to a growth journey for me, I’m talking 2 weeks into it lol. I found that as time went by I was figuring myself out and learning to really just love me for who I am. Before we continue let me just give you a bit more of a background of my character. I’m one of those people that once I decide to do something I do it to the fullest, I’m taking about what others would see as extreme lol.

So once I had decided that I was doing this for my personal growth (don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you can’t grow if you are not celibate, it’s just how I decided to do it), I set goals for myself and I made sure to hit them. Every time I would hit a goal I would make sure to tell myself how proud I am of myself and to treat myself. Sounds funny doesn’t it? Treating yourself because you are refraining from sex and what not, but honestly it strengthened me because it made me realise how strong I am and just how great of a catch I am lol. Along with my goals I decided to cut out men in general, like I said I go to the extremes. I decided to give myself one whole year by myself, no relationships…nada! I’m not going to say it was easy but reminding myself why I was doing it helped me out a lot. The hardest months for me were the first 3/4 months. Also weirdly after I had decided to do this there suddenly came a flood of ‘wanna be potentials’ haha. Had to stand there with a fly swatter.

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(JOKES lool).

 

A few months passed and I then learned to enjoy my walk and learn new things about my self, I began to see how much strength was within me. Some people reading this will be like “Is it really that hard?”

Yes and no, yes it is hard because once you have opened up yourself to that it makes it harder to curb especially when you meet someone you are sexually attracted to. No, in the sense that if the reason you are doing it is much stronger than being intimate with someone who you are not certain things will work out with, then to some extent it becomes easy. So in my first year I avoided males in general (not that I was going for females btw…okayyyy.) After a year I thought ‘Damn B, you are stronger than you thought lets try the dating thing again.’ Now I said I would be honest and 1 year passed, got in contact with an ex and everything that I had built burned down and the worst bit is…IT WASN’T WORTH IT! The next few weeks I beat myself up about it and recoiled and slightly started to self destruct but something in me refused to give into anymore temptations. I will gladly say, it is only by God’s grace that I didn’t falter again. I pulled myself back up, told myself it was one mistake and it was time to get back on that horse because my journey had only just began. I dated during this time and was always somewhat open after sometime with the guys I spoke to, and like always there were a few who thought they could change that for me…they failed. There was one close call though…we thank God we dodged that bullet.

I am now in a serious relationship with someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, and when this topic came up I was so sure of my decision (that’s for another post tho…look out for ‘Dating whilst celibate’.) I will say though that because there’s distance between us its easier to control because there is so much sexual attraction which is good for later in our future *wink wink* lol.

Before this gets long and boring I’ll end here for now, but it is not the end of my celibate walk. I will be posting answers to the questions I get in regards to celibacy. As you have all seen from some of my previous posts I am a sexual being but I want to be that and more with my husband and that’s a personal choice, so if you aren’t celibate no condemnations from this end.

Before you decide to be celibate look at the reasons you are doing it, don’t just do it because it is in fashion now. I feel like its now become a trend because many influential people in the media are doing it. It should have a much deeper reason, then you will understand and appreciate the meaning of it and your journey, it’s not just a waiting game.

cute-wink-smiley

M.B.C x

New post tomorrow xx

 

Smoked Mirrors 2 

He stood there staring at her..taking her all in,

She ushers towards the window,

She opens up for him to enter,

She stood there in front of him bare,

Pulled him in wondering why he was there.

Hands still interlocked,

He draws her closer,

He buries his head in her neck,

She lets out a gentle breath,

He knows just how to please her.

They slowly start to gravitate towards her bed,

Mouths now connected,

Feeling each other’s longing,

She starts to tear and he gently wipes her tear away.

His hand over her derrière gripping tighter whilst the kiss deepened,

Her hands round his neck,

He picks her up and walks the rest of the distance to the bed,

Laying her down he places his body on top,

Her hands move to his belt buckle,

Undoing it with such ease yet urgency,

She grabs his shaft,

Elevating his hips she slides them down,

He struggles to kick them off whilst she ripped off his shirt,

They lay there both naked,

Staring in each other’s eyes,

Her eyes slowly expand,

He brings his lips down to hers to suck in her moan as tears drop down her face…

Smoked Mirrors…

Forehead against the cold glass,

Hands on the pane supporting his weight,

Gaze focused,

He saw honey glistened cocoa skin,

A glow like no other radiating from her being,

Her sonsie body swayed as she moved around the room,

Feet hitting the ground gracefully,

Her delicate flow excited him,

She began to unclothe herself,

Slipping off her clothing as she headed for her bed,

She lay on the cream silk covers, bare.

An eerie feeling washed over her,

She turned to the large window,

Only to behold the face of her ex lover…..

 

M.B.C x

 

 

Relationships to sextuationships…

33ec1a954440b1f9125acef6dd819393The past posts have been stories about my personal experiences/relationships…this one is a little different. Instead of just writing about events in my life I’m just going off on a semi rant…or maybe I’m not ranting and just thinking out loud, hmmmmm.

I haven’t been in a relationship/situationship/sextuationship for almost a year now and funny enough I feel happier and more whole now than I did when I was ‘seeing’ someone (yes let’s use that word to categorise all relations.) Only those very close to me would know and understand how big of a thing this is for me.

Let’s go back a little in my life for you guys to understand the direction and reason for this post. If you have met me you would know that I am confident, bubbly, always chatting, far from unattractive ( I’m not conceited btw), and talented too…but like many I have dealt with major low self-esteem. I believe not many people would have seen it especially if you were not VERY close to me, I’m not talking about them fake close friendships but friends that actually took the time to know me and are still in my life now. From the age of 16, I have never been ‘not seeing’ someone for more than 2 months. Wait hold up now before you get your fingers out and try counting my peoples lol. In this time I have had serious relationships and not so serious ones.At this point in my life I thought having someone next to me made me better, and I always wanted to be better so I always had someone next to me…even when that person wasn’t adding anything to my life. This post is my personal view by the way, it is in no way telling others how to live. Also some people might be in the exact same position I was in and not happy in whatever relationship/situationship they are having with someone.

When I look back at the relations I have had and listening to some of my friends’ problems, the more I see that ‘relationships’ are progressively becoming sextuationships. It’s crazy how high ‘sex’ is on the relationship ladder, I didn’t see this until I stepped away from this scene. Isn’t it funny how we say we are in relationships yet know so little about our partners…their hurts, their flaws, their strengths, their likes, their hates, their life goals. Yet we know the feel of their breasts, the feel of their asses, the feel of their hands on you, the taste of them, what your kisses do to them and even the feel of their back…their backs people!!!

Take a step back and look at what activities you do when you are together, we spend so much time having sex rather than talking and sharing what’s going on with us or just doing outdoor activities together. Guys you spend so much time squeezing her breasts but if she had to have a lump in her breast would you even know? I mean this is the worst case scenario but still shit like this can happen. Girls if your man was to have a growth in his scrotum would you know? 

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‘Sex in the morning, sex in the evening, sex whenever you need it…’

Th other day a very good friend of mine and I had a conversation, one of the only guys who knows EVERYTHING about me, like I can tell this guy anything. We didn’t even plan to speak about this but you know when you get talking, the topic came up and my friend said to me ‘You know, I have never heard you say you need to get some or you want some…are you okay?’ Looooool. Only then did it hit me…’OH SHIT! its been almost a year!’ The more I think about this the more I’m inclined to continue being celibate and going about my business until I find someone I can share minds with, share feelings with and not just physical connections.

That’s enough from me, I have so much to say about this topic and so many questions I want to ask but if I keep going its going to be a mini book lool.

Please people, when reading this do not think I am passing judgement on anyone and what their choices are. If you are truly happy and fulfilled in your relationships that’s amazing, continue doing what you are doing and I wish you more happiness. This is just a personal ‘thinking out loud’ moment.

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M.B.C x