The importance of dating someone with similar beliefs…

Hey guys today I’m gonna talk to you (hmmm talk ūü§Ēūü§Ē maybe not talk but write..well just imagine you can hear my voice whatever voice you have applied to my person lol)

Already trailing off, c’mon B, FOCUS!


Okay so today’s topic is *drum roll* ‘The importance of dating someone with the same beliefs.’ I remember not long ago I sat on the fence with this one and often times I hopped onto the other side in support of dating whoever as long as you ‘love’ them. However as I have grown and dated I am seeing things very differently, having the same beliefs is so important in a relationship, it changes so much in a relationship.


*Before we go any further please do not misunderstand this post, it is my personal opinion backed up by my personal experiences. Also when I am referencing some stuff in my relationships I will as always keep the other persons name and other stuff know don’t want nobody coming after me hahahahahaha.*

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So lets adopt some kind of organisation to aid the flow…hmmm I have a list of topics but I don’t want it to read like instructions or something like that. I will play around and marry some topics and hopefully we can cover them all in one post if not there will be more parts…ohhh more content lol.

Let’s begin….

When we are in relationships we go through many things together and some more personal (not that you cannot share them but they only really affect you if that makes sense), because even if we have someone we are dating we are also our own person. Now when these things hit and start to affect your relationship, or maybe not even your relationship but you as a solo person how do we deal with these things? Lets throw in an example to give provide some context so we can grasp it better. Lets start with a simple one because there will be mini exercises throughout this post, to make it more interactive (don’t worry you don’t have to send me answers lool).

I think I have mentioned before about me going through depression and a really tough time in my life when I just wanted it to all end. It was such a dark time in my life however I worked through my issues and paid more attention to me. I spent so much time picking myself up and sitting on the fence with my faith, therefore it took much longer to pull myself out of that dark hole. Why am I giving you this brief background? So you can better understand the example I am about to give. Having gone through that and knowing what got me there, if I see any signs that I am slipping back I get so scared (well I got so scared until recently). Recently I had a mini episode because everything was just going wrong, nothing was going to plan, I had so many things thrown at me and I started to drown again. When I noticed this I spoke to a couple of people about it, I said to them that I felt I was slipping back into that darkness and I got very different responses from these two people. Now I am not knocking anyone down, that is how they are wired and that’s fine but that’s not how I am wired…make sense? I made such a big mistake in expecting the people to respond in the way I would want or to realise that I was crying out for help and when I didn’t get the attention or the motivation I needed…I had a light bulb moment.

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In moments like this when I would feel like I’m slipping away I turned to God, I would get on my knees and pray and I’d feel so light after. I didn’t do this though, I was kind of expecting my partner to be like “Don’t worry babe, God has got you…let’s pray about it.” I feel like I have to keep stressing this does not make the person a bad person, we just have different beliefs and this is one reason dating someone with the same beliefs as you is important and in a sense easier. When you go through stuff or you have a disagreement you draw wisdom or you seek help from the same source (God in my case) and you understand each other better. Does that mean you cannot understand someone with different beliefs? No, it doesn’t mean that at all but when revisited by similar problems it is easier to brush things under the rug as you fear disagreeing with that person or you start to turn to other people for aid that you should really have within your relationship. This is not only with bad situations but good situations too, if you really believe that everything great you manage to achieve is not by your own might for ‘Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world’…your partner might have a different outlook on this and then we find we hold ourselves back with giving God the glory and lifting His name higher because of this. Not that your partner makes you feel like what you are doing is wrong but you just don’t feel comfortable do that because you know they don’t believe that.

Following this I just want to touch on the importance of praying together. It is important to speak life into your relationship, taking your requests to God together and if it is His will it shall be done. How awesome is this?

Again I say unto you, that if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven

Matthew 18:19

The next one is also a big one, the big C  word…communication. I have not always practised this and oh didn’t I learn the hard way. After picking up the pieces following a horrible relationship I have always stressed to the people I ‘see’ that communication is so important. When people hear this they automatically think it is only the big things that require thorough communication, but it starts with the small things. Little things such as letting your partner know that you have got home safe, to letting them know that you are unable to speak on the phone rather than ignore the call. Now if understanding is varied in regards to this then you have a big problem, because it makes the relationship somewhat lopsided. The one who values communication will start to feel like they aren’t heard and could possible then shut down, then the other half will start to notice changes and will place blame on the other. We often don’t stop to think that it maybe us who was in the wrong and caused this person to respond differently. Communication is so important as you get rid of all the small small things that tend to cause misunderstanding. This could also lead to misunderstandings such as confusing honesty with attack. What do I mean?


If you have another half try doing this exercise with them…if you single do the exercise too, make sure to be honest with yourself. There is no correct answer or some kind of conclusion so please just continue reading the post a’righhhtt!!


Is there something your partner does that REALLY bothers you but you haven’t told them because you are afraid of their reaction? If yes go and tell them, making sure that you are paying attention to your delivery. After this sit down with them and ask them how it made them feel that you were open with them about this.

Singles, imagine you had a partner and they came and told you something you do that really bothers them…how would you respond? how would that make you feel that they are so open to come tell you this?


I am really trying to condense everything and hoping it still makes sense…or maybe my head works differently lol.

Okay, back to it.

Opposites attract….not entirely true. It is common knowledge that we are drawn to people we share similarities with be it in a friendship, lover relationships or even within the family. So why do we always try to thrown in this theory? I once ‘saw’ (if you remember my previous posts this is the term we use across the board ‘seeing’ lool) someone who was in more ways completely different to me, we had different religious beliefs…I’m Christian and he is of a different religion (see what I did there *wink wink*). He loved going out, I didn’t, I mean I could go out and have fun but it wasn’t and still isn’t my favourite activity. There were other minor and major differences but apart from enjoying sleeping with each other (wait let me not speak for him) there really wasn’t anything drawing us together. This proved for me that there needed to be more that we were interested in and the most important being having similar spiritual beliefs. We had gone through something that knocked both of us so hard but we were unable to come to a joint decision, I ended up lying to the person that I had dealt with it in the way they wanted but I didn’t believe or agree with. In the end I brought so much pain and hurt on myself and started to hate myself especially after something bigger happened and I couldn’t look to the person for comfort because I blamed him for all of it. 

FF oppositesattract

Activity time….

Think back to a relationship you had in which the person was more so or completely opposite to you…what problems did you often encounter? How did you overcome them?

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I think having beliefs/ethics that compliment each other is important because it allows for freedom and wholly giving yourself to a person and not holding back for any reason.


Take care guys and remember always walk in love.

I have decided to divide it into parts so you don’t get too bored reading on and on, part two will be released on Thursday.


M.B.C x



Falling in love with the idea of love.


Do you truly love your partner or are you in love with the idea of love?

Love…that word is pretty hard to define right, we may think we love someone but as you start to grow with them you start to realise you have fallen out of love with them. I find myself always trying to explain myself every time I write a post that is not directly linked to my personal life, this is one of those times…NO THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW!


Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get back into it.

What is your understanding of love? Hmmmm my understanding of love is the kind of love God has for us, its the perfect example to follow. Many times we do things that pull us away from him yet time and time again he forgives us and never stops loving us. I can already hear you guys, but where do you draw the line? Now I don’t want to cross boarders and start talking about abuse (in all forms) as I think that is a topic for another post, and we can go into depth then. To love someone doesn’t mean to grab a hold of their leg when they want to walk out or to convince yourself to stay in an unhealthy relationship with the excuse ‘But I ¬†love him/her.’ The great thing about love is that you can love someone from a distance.

Did you hear that, the great thing about love is that you can love from a distance! Often times we find ourselves in loveless relationships because we like the idea of love, we like the idea of having another half to take pictures with, go on dates, stay on the phone speaking sweet nothings in each others ears and playing the ‘you hang up’ game. Yes we have all been there before, wait maybe not all but some…yup. We are emotional beings and we like feeling giddy inside, but then again some relationship have very minimal emotional investments and its all about….HOW GOOD YOUR PARTNER IS IN BEDūüėĪ.

Sex the one thing that can cloud your judgement…it’s enjoyable we all know that, it is there not just for procreation but for enjoyment too. However it can be dangerous, it is capable of manipulating your thoughts and feelings.

*Pulls me to the side*

[whispering] “Is this why you practice celibacy?”

Yes, to an extent…if you remember in my post about my celibacy I mentioned there was a number of reasons as to why I practice it ( or did I not mention that?ūü§Ē) Anyway, yes it is indeed one of the reasons I am celibate, I feel I am able to make rational decisions and really analyse situations in my relationships. Again not saying that this is the case for everyone, we are all different, it is the case for some…like me :). I was once in a very broken, rotten and emotionally draining situation, I knew deep down inside this guy was sleeping around but I stupidly believed him when he said “There’s only you Biankah.”


Maybe it’s just THAT relationship Biankah, maybe you just really liked him. Nope it wasn’t that, don’t get me wrong I did like him a lot but I allowed myself to be played because he was so good in bed and I didn’t want to lose that. Also I realised in my current relationship the minute I ¬†started to think about ending my celibacy journey I started to overlook vital things and accept below average treatment…no est√° bien! Got back on track and started shooting down what was not acceptable.

We are now in an age where we look at social media couples as goals and seek knowledge from people that are also on their own journey. I’m not saying it is wrong to seek advice from people that look like they have it all together but let us not idolise their relationships and focus on growing and strengthening our own. If we invest as much energy, time and effort into our own relationships as we do poking our noses into other people’s lives you too could be in a ‘goals’ worthy relationship.

So Malaika…so what are you saying is the difference between loving someone and loving the idea of loving someone?

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Okay, okay..let me give you my opinion.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I believe that this is expected from both parties, if one is doing all this and another isn’t,it is unbalance and unhealthy…address it! You don’t have to be a christian to know that these are the values of love. I have found myself in ‘situations’ because I was in love with the idea of love, calling someone mine, having pet names for each other, introducing someone as my other half, dinner dates, cuddles and great sex (not with all my ‘situations’…average, horrible, below average and some never got the cooch!) I definitely was not in love but I loved the idea of it.

What are your ideas of Love? Are you in love or are you in love with the idea of love? Have you ever been in love?


M.B.C x

You are what??!

I’m celibate, what is the big deal?

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How did you decide to be celibate? Why did you choose to be celibate? Those are some of the common questions asked. In the beginning it started off as me not being in a relationship then quickly turned to a growth journey for me, I’m talking 2 weeks into it lol. I found that as time went by I was figuring myself out and learning to really just love me for who I am. Before we continue let me just give you a bit more of a background of my character. I’m one of those people that once I decide to do something I do it to the fullest, I’m taking about what others would see as extreme lol.

So once I had decided that I was doing this for my personal growth (don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you can’t grow if you are not celibate, it’s just how I decided to do it), I set goals for myself and I made sure to hit them. Every time I would hit a goal I would make sure to tell myself how proud I am of myself and to treat myself. Sounds funny doesn’t it? Treating yourself because you are refraining from sex and what not, but honestly it strengthened me because it made me realise how strong I am and just how great of a catch I am lol. Along with my goals I decided to cut out men in general, like I said I go to the extremes. I decided to give myself one whole year by myself, no relationships…nada! I’m not going to say it was easy but reminding myself why I was doing it helped me out a lot. The hardest months for me were the first 3/4 months. Also weirdly after I had decided to do this there suddenly came a flood of ‘wanna be potentials’ haha. Had to stand there with a fly swatter.


(JOKES lool).


A few months passed and I then learned to enjoy my walk and learn new things about my self, I began to see how much strength was within me. Some people reading this will be like “Is it really that hard?”

Yes and no, yes it is hard because once you have opened up yourself to that it makes it harder to curb especially when you meet someone you are sexually attracted to. No, in the sense that if the reason you are doing it is much stronger than being intimate with someone who you are not certain things will work out with, then to some extent it becomes easy. So in my first year I avoided males in general (not that I was going for females btw…okayyyy.) After a year I thought ‘Damn B, you are stronger than you thought lets try the dating thing again.’ Now I said I would be honest and 1 year passed, got in contact with an ex and everything that I had built burned down and the worst bit is…IT WASN’T WORTH IT! The next few weeks I beat myself up about it and recoiled and slightly started to self destruct but something in me refused to give into anymore temptations. I will gladly say, it is only by God’s grace that I didn’t falter again. I pulled myself back up, told myself it was one mistake and it was time to get back on that horse because my journey had only just began. I dated during this time and was always somewhat open after sometime with the guys I spoke to, and like always there were a few who thought they could change that for me…they failed. There was one close call though…we thank God we dodged that bullet.

I am now in a serious relationship with someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, and when this topic came up I was so sure of my decision (that’s for another post tho…look out for ‘Dating whilst celibate’.) I will say though that because there’s distance between us its easier to control because there is so much sexual attraction which is good for later in our future *wink wink* lol.

Before this gets long and boring I’ll end here for now, but it is not the end of my celibate walk. I will be posting answers to the questions I get in regards to celibacy. As you have all seen from some of my previous posts I am a sexual being but I want to be that and more with my husband and that’s a personal choice, so if you aren’t celibate no condemnations from this end.

Before you decide to be celibate look at the reasons you are doing it, don’t just do it because it is in fashion now. I feel like its now become a trend because many influential people in the media are doing it. It should have a much deeper reason, then you will understand and appreciate the meaning of it and your journey, it’s not just a waiting game.


M.B.C x

New post tomorrow xx


Smoked Mirrors 2 

He stood there staring at her..taking her all in,

She ushers towards the window,

She opens up for him to enter,

She stood there in front of him bare,

Pulled him in wondering why he was there.

Hands still interlocked,

He draws her closer,

He buries his head in her neck,

She lets out a gentle breath,

He knows just how to please her.

They slowly start to gravitate towards her bed,

Mouths now connected,

Feeling each other’s longing,

She starts to tear and he gently wipes her tear away.

His hand over her derrière gripping tighter whilst the kiss deepened,

Her hands round his neck,

He picks her up and walks the rest of the distance to the bed,

Laying her down he places his body on top,

Her hands move to his belt buckle,

Undoing it with such ease yet urgency,

She grabs his shaft,

Elevating his hips she slides them down,

He struggles to kick them off whilst she ripped off his shirt,

They lay there both naked,

Staring in each other’s eyes,

Her eyes slowly expand,

He brings his lips down to hers to suck in her moan as tears drop down her face…

Smoked Mirrors…

Forehead against the cold glass,

Hands on the pane supporting his weight,

Gaze focused,

He saw honey glistened cocoa skin,

A glow like no other radiating from her being,

Her sonsie body swayed as she moved around the room,

Feet hitting the ground gracefully,

Her delicate flow excited him,

She began to unclothe herself,

Slipping off her clothing as she headed for her bed,

She lay on the cream silk covers, bare.

An eerie feeling washed over her,

She turned to the large window,

Only to behold the face of her ex lover…..


M.B.C x



Relationships to sextuationships…

33ec1a954440b1f9125acef6dd819393The past posts have been stories about my personal experiences/relationships…this one is a little different. Instead of just writing about events in my life I’m just going off on a semi rant…or maybe I’m not ranting and just thinking out loud, hmmmmm.

I haven’t been in a relationship/situationship/sextuationship for almost a year now and funny enough I feel happier and more whole now than I did when I was ‘seeing’ someone (yes let’s use that word to categorise all relations.) Only those very close to me would know and understand how big of a thing this is for me.

Let’s go¬†back a little in my life for you guys to understand the direction and reason for this post. If you have met me you would know that I am confident, bubbly, always chatting, far from unattractive ( I’m not conceited btw), and talented too…but like many I have dealt with major low self-esteem. I believe not many people would have seen it especially if you were not VERY close to me, I’m not talking about them fake close friendships but friends that actually took the time to know me and are still in my life now.¬†From the age of 16, I have never been ‘not seeing’ someone for more than 2 months. Wait hold up now before you get your fingers out and try counting my peoples lol. In this time I have had serious relationships and not so serious ones.At this point in my life I thought having someone next to me made me better, and I always wanted to be better so I always had someone next to me…even when that person wasn’t adding anything to my life. This post is my personal view by the way, it is in no way telling others how to live. Also some people might be in the exact same position I was in and not happy in whatever relationship/situationship they are having with someone.

When I look back at the relations I have had and listening to some of my friends’ problems, the more I see that ‘relationships’ are progressively becoming sextuationships. It’s crazy how high ‘sex’ is on the relationship ladder, I didn’t see this until I stepped away from this scene. Isn’t it funny how we say we are in relationships yet know so little about our partners…their hurts, their flaws, their strengths, their likes, their hates, their life goals. Yet we know the feel of their breasts, the feel of their asses, the feel of their hands on you, the taste of them, what your kisses do to them and even the feel of their back…their backs people!!!

Take a step back and look at what activities you do when you are together, we spend so much time having sex rather than talking and sharing what’s going on with us or just doing¬†outdoor activities together.¬†Guys you spend¬†so much time squeezing her breasts but if she had to have a lump in her breast would you even know? I mean this is the worst case scenario but still¬†shit like this can happen. Girls if your man was to have a growth in his scrotum would you know?¬†


‘Sex in the morning, sex in the evening, sex whenever you need it…’

Th other day a very good friend of mine and I had a conversation, one of the only guys who knows EVERYTHING about me, like I can tell this guy anything. We didn’t even plan to speak about this but you know when you get talking, the topic came up and my friend said to me ‘You know, I have never heard you say you need to get some or you want some…are you okay?’ Looooool. Only then did it hit me…’OH SHIT! its been almost a year!’ The more I think about this the more I’m inclined to continue being celibate and going about my business until I find someone I can share minds with, share feelings with and not just physical connections.

That’s enough from me, I have so much to say about this topic and so many questions I want to ask but if I keep going its going to be a mini book lool.

Please people, when reading this do not think I am passing judgement on anyone and what their choices are. If you are truly happy and fulfilled in your relationships that’s amazing, continue doing what you are doing and I wish you more happiness. This is just a personal ‘thinking out loud’ moment.


M.B.C x