The past posts have been stories about my personal experiences/relationships…this one is a little different. Instead of just writing about events in my life I’m just going off on a semi rant…or maybe I’m not ranting and just thinking out loud, hmmmmm.
I haven’t been in a relationship/situationship/sextuationship for almost a year now and funny enough I feel happier and more whole now than I did when I was ‘seeing’ someone (yes let’s use that word to categorise all relations.) Only those very close to me would know and understand how big of a thing this is for me.
Let’s go back a little in my life for you guys to understand the direction and reason for this post. If you have met me you would know that I am confident, bubbly, always chatting, far from unattractive ( I’m not conceited btw), and talented too…but like many I have dealt with major low self-esteem. I believe not many people would have seen it especially if you were not VERY close to me, I’m not talking about them fake close friendships but friends that actually took the time to know me and are still in my life now. From the age of 16, I have never been ‘not seeing’ someone for more than 2 months. Wait hold up now before you get your fingers out and try counting my peoples lol. In this time I have had serious relationships and not so serious ones.At this point in my life I thought having someone next to me made me better, and I always wanted to be better so I always had someone next to me…even when that person wasn’t adding anything to my life. This post is my personal view by the way, it is in no way telling others how to live. Also some people might be in the exact same position I was in and not happy in whatever relationship/situationship they are having with someone.
When I look back at the relations I have had and listening to some of my friends’ problems, the more I see that ‘relationships’ are progressively becoming sextuationships. It’s crazy how high ‘sex’ is on the relationship ladder, I didn’t see this until I stepped away from this scene. Isn’t it funny how we say we are in relationships yet know so little about our partners…their hurts, their flaws, their strengths, their likes, their hates, their life goals. Yet we know the feel of their breasts, the feel of their asses, the feel of their hands on you, the taste of them, what your kisses do to them and even the feel of their back…their backs people!!!
Take a step back and look at what activities you do when you are together, we spend so much time having sex rather than talking and sharing what’s going on with us or just doing outdoor activities together. Guys you spend so much time squeezing her breasts but if she had to have a lump in her breast would you even know? I mean this is the worst case scenario but still shit like this can happen. Girls if your man was to have a growth in his scrotum would you know?
‘Sex in the morning, sex in the evening, sex whenever you need it…’
Th other day a very good friend of mine and I had a conversation, one of the only guys who knows EVERYTHING about me, like I can tell this guy anything. We didn’t even plan to speak about this but you know when you get talking, the topic came up and my friend said to me ‘You know, I have never heard you say you need to get some or you want some…are you okay?’ Looooool. Only then did it hit me…’OH SHIT! its been almost a year!’ The more I think about this the more I’m inclined to continue being celibate and going about my business until I find someone I can share minds with, share feelings with and not just physical connections.
That’s enough from me, I have so much to say about this topic and so many questions I want to ask but if I keep going its going to be a mini book lool.
Please people, when reading this do not think I am passing judgement on anyone and what their choices are. If you are truly happy and fulfilled in your relationships that’s amazing, continue doing what you are doing and I wish you more happiness. This is just a personal ‘thinking out loud’ moment.