Feet planted in his word…

Hey guys, 

This is a very short post, no images and everything. 

It just dawned on me that it is a new month, I have been so blessed in the month of August and I am looking forward to the many more blessing that God has in store for me. 

This year started out pretty tough for me in many areas of my life, I will go into depth as time goes but right now I’m tired and just wanna share something quick. 

Mid July I decided to opt into the daily readings from the bible app, I felt I needed to get more intouch with my bible again. Guys when I tell you God was speaking directly to me throughout the month of August, those bible verses were tailor made for the struggle I was going through. God was saying to me “Baby girl why do you worry when I have told you it is done!” 

See even after the verses there were things I was still holding onto wanting to sort them out by my own power and God reminded me yesterday to ‘put on the whole amour of God!’, to fight the fight of faith. It’s 2:20am where I am right now, I went to my bible app and God speaking to me again. I have a big day ahead of me and this is what I need to hear and know…

Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world! 

Today, Saturday 2nd September is going to be great because He walks with me. 
God bless you all and have a wonderful day ❤️

M.B.C x

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Is it really that hard??

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Yes a greeting after so long, haven’t greeted you beauts in such a long time..I often just go into whatever topic is picked and that isn’t very nice of me.

This post… hmmmm I’m not really sure where I’m writing from. I know for a fact it’s got a great message (or so I believe, I’ll let ya’ll judge for yourselves) but I’m kinda struggling on how to deliver it because something happened to me today and I must admit…it pissed me right off.

I had told myself do what you need to and let the person know how you feel then get your hands off it B. One reason I decided to write about it is because just this afternoon I was telling my mom to not let people walk over her and to put her foot down, I told her when you don’t like something be vocal about it. My mother has always taught me to be classy and mature when speaking to people, but people really be trying people in this world. My mom is one of the nicest, selfless, gentle people out there but you don’t want to cross her and I believe I get that from her. I always give the best of me wholeheartedly and even though I don’t expect people to give me their all like I do them or to even say ‘thank you’ from the bottom of their hearts but don’t take the piss!

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Being outright rude and acting like a victim is not sexy at all…its just sad. Like it is basic basic human training to show some form of appreciation, it really isn’t that hard. No one is asking you to fall at the feet of someone helping you or go sing praises of their name but just bloody appreciate man…it is not hard. When we were created we were made with the ability to appreciate and to see people fully drop that and when you point it out want to be acting like everything is a joke is just very disgusting behaviour to me.

I have always said this and will forever say it and live by it as much as I can…BECAUSE SOMETHING DOESN’T LOOK THAT BIG FOR YOU, IT IS BIG FOR SOMEONE ELSE. DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS AND VIEWS IRRELEVANT.

If I do something for someone and I feel like they are being too much I will not close my mouth, I will speak up. However what really pisses me off is when somebody is not fully understanding and they just start to move their mouth anyhow instead to ask and try and understand where I am coming from. Before we continue let us make a public announcement, loud for the people in the back.

I DO NOT SAY THINGS TO GET AN APOLOGY OR SOME KIND OF QUICK FIX THAT YOU ASSUME I AM LOOKING FOR, I AM MERELY LETTING YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL! 

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Okay, good…let’s continue.

There are people that do things out of the goodness of their heart without expecting shit (excuse my aggressiveness in this post) however that doesn’t mean you take advantage of their niceness. We so often expect people to understand our situations but when it comes to understanding others…nada! I just cannot fathom how one will expect sympathy for their situations but cannot have sympathy for others, how does that work? qcEFs0a

A message to people who are like me:

Continue to be a person who gives your all even if people do not appreciate, don’t allow them to change you but let that strengthen you. Remember to always be vocal because bottling stuff up will not help as it will just allow the negative to continually manifest in your life. There are people that are grateful and there are many others that need a genuine person they can lean on. Be driven by goodness only, pour out constant love and shut your door, lock it and ignore it when negativity comes knocking. Remember that the strongest and most earnest prayers for you are the prayers that come out of YOUR mouth. Remember to stay true to yourself. Do not regret anything in life for it will cripple you, instead view it as something that had to happen to get you where you are today. Smile and thank God for a new day everyday, breathing another day is a blessing so go out and be a blessing to others too. Remember that when people who are not in your life anymore talk bad about you, it is not who you are but a reflection of who they are. Make sure you are always fair. It will get better, situations are not permanent.

I am always willing to go above and beyond for people if I can, and if I cannot I will let you know. I have learned to drop my pride, to drop trying to save face just to look good to other people, to know when to say no, to understand that saying no doesn’t make you stupid or boring. I have learned that you cannot help everybody and keep neglecting yourself for you cannot give when you are empty, but I ensure I help whenever I can.

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And with that I will finish this post before I go on and on and on. One more thing…

Moral of the story/post or what ever you want to call it:

You don’t know someones struggles and life, you don’t know the challenges they face daily until you walk in their shoes. Therefore when someone says something to you especially about how they feel, take it in and deep it. Do not be a person that listens or reads to respond, a person that tries level out the playing field and compare your situation instead be a person that listens or reads to understand. We may not always agree on something but don’t let bitterness in and start to dislike a person with a different opinion or drag in things of the past to justify yourself.

Today I realised how strong I am and how far I have come, because a couple of years back I would have dragged the person and said F*** it (If you read this blog and you know me, you will know what this means).

I’m done for real now…bless!

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M.B.C x

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blogger Award…YASS

So guys, the other day I was nominated by another amazing blogger and I humbly accept. Mine will be a bit different as you know I don’t really follow many people as I have been on and off with my blog…I’m changing that though, aren’t I posting more guys? So there will be much less nominations from me…oops!

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First, let us focus our attention on the lovely Queen that nominated me… From Crown to Sole , I urge all of you to visit her page as she has some really inspiring posts, you can just see the authenticity in her writing and its such a joy to read her posts.

Okay let us get down to business now…

What is the Blue Sky Tag Challenge Award? This is an unofficial (still official to me lol) award that is awarded to bloggers by other bloggers. There are some rules for me to follow though…not really great at this but c’mon Bee! I first have to answer the 11 questions that have been written by the nominating blogger then nominate 11 other bloggers (this is where it’s gonna be difficult for me…eek!) an finally I get to create 11 questions of my own that I want the bloggers I nominate to answer…this is gonna be fun.

My answers to Bless the Crown’s questions

What inspired you to create your blog?

Hmmm, I was inspired to create my blog because I needed a release. When I first created my blog it was all anonymous and I would share the stuff I was going through. It came about during a very tough period in my life and I just needed to talk but I’m not great with talking about my problems. As time went by things started to change, I was still talking about what I have been through but it was very different in that I wrote to help people in similar position or to spark discussion with oneself. 

What do you do to cheer yourself up on a bad day?

I play music and write, I love music..it relaxes me. When I write on a bad day I make sure to pick cheerful topics, or I ensure to put a tiny bit of comedy in my writing…I seem to amuse myself easily lol. 

If you were offered a roundtrip ticket to go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?

Just one place? Hmmmm Fiji or Bora Bora…why? They are both beautiful Islands, they just look peaceful and because they are so far away from the rest of the world lol, I love a bit of me time…okay maybe more than a bit.

What’s one piece of advice you would give to your younger self?

To do things that make me happy and not try to please everyone, because you can never please everyone. 

What would you say to your future self?

To enjoy life and continue to live for God. To make sure that you walk with God always, to walk in God’s love and to know that not everyone will be happy with your decisions but to try by all means to not offend people. To continue to grow and be conscious of the fact that people will not always agree with me and to always respect and understand where they are coming from but still stand for what you believe. 

What is one thing you’d like to do more of?

Travel, I want to see the world. 

Is there a song that takes you to your “happy place”/ If so, what song is it?

Hmmmmm there are a few..I don’t think I can pick only one. Although there is one song if played I will sing my heart out and feel so good (I can’t sing tho lool) 

Phil Wickman – This is Amazing Grace

What do you value most? (I liked this one)

My relationship with God. 

Do you have a bucket-list? If so, what’s number one on it?

You know what, I actually don’t have one…but if I did…I dunno lool.

What impact would you like to leave on the readers of your blog?

That this is a judge free blog and for them to believe in themselves and to always be themselves whilst not making others uncomfortable to feel comfortable. 

What advice would you give to a new blogger?

To keep writing and to write from your heart, when you do people will read. 

My nominees:

Dre

Dana

Dr. K. L

Bwalyah

Okay so those are my nominees…I really need to start following more blogs. I read a lot of other blogs but I forget the names because I don’t follow…blog-cryin

My questions:

  1. What inspires you?
  2. What do you look for in a friend? (This is more like research for a post I’m about to do lol)
  3. What advice would you say changed your life?
  4. When did/Have you decided what you want to do in life?
  5. What is the one thing you hold dear to your heart?
  6. When you receive good news, what is your reaction? Are you a crier or nah?
  7. What song touches your soul?  Knowing what you know now, if you went back to the past what one thing would you do different?
  8. What inspires you to write/blog?
  9. Love or money? Why?
  10. If you were to describe where you are mentally using one word, what would that work be?
  11. Are you happy with where you are right now?

Alrighty people..I think it’s time I go to bed. Hope you have enjoyed knowing a little more about me and make sure to check out the blogs linked in this post.

Love and happiness

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M.B.C x 

Falling in love with the idea of love.

Question…

Do you truly love your partner or are you in love with the idea of love?

Love…that word is pretty hard to define right, we may think we love someone but as you start to grow with them you start to realise you have fallen out of love with them. I find myself always trying to explain myself every time I write a post that is not directly linked to my personal life, this is one of those times…NO THIS POST IS NOT ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW!

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Now that we got that out of the way, let’s get back into it.

What is your understanding of love? Hmmmm my understanding of love is the kind of love God has for us, its the perfect example to follow. Many times we do things that pull us away from him yet time and time again he forgives us and never stops loving us. I can already hear you guys, but where do you draw the line? Now I don’t want to cross boarders and start talking about abuse (in all forms) as I think that is a topic for another post, and we can go into depth then. To love someone doesn’t mean to grab a hold of their leg when they want to walk out or to convince yourself to stay in an unhealthy relationship with the excuse ‘But I  love him/her.’ The great thing about love is that you can love someone from a distance.

Did you hear that, the great thing about love is that you can love from a distance! Often times we find ourselves in loveless relationships because we like the idea of love, we like the idea of having another half to take pictures with, go on dates, stay on the phone speaking sweet nothings in each others ears and playing the ‘you hang up’ game. Yes we have all been there before, wait maybe not all but some…yup. We are emotional beings and we like feeling giddy inside, but then again some relationship have very minimal emotional investments and its all about….HOW GOOD YOUR PARTNER IS IN BED😱.

Sex the one thing that can cloud your judgement…it’s enjoyable we all know that, it is there not just for procreation but for enjoyment too. However it can be dangerous, it is capable of manipulating your thoughts and feelings.

*Pulls me to the side*

[whispering] “Is this why you practice celibacy?”

Yes, to an extent…if you remember in my post about my celibacy I mentioned there was a number of reasons as to why I practice it ( or did I not mention that?🤔) Anyway, yes it is indeed one of the reasons I am celibate, I feel I am able to make rational decisions and really analyse situations in my relationships. Again not saying that this is the case for everyone, we are all different, it is the case for some…like me :). I was once in a very broken, rotten and emotionally draining situation, I knew deep down inside this guy was sleeping around but I stupidly believed him when he said “There’s only you Biankah.”

KWATI CHIPUBA (LIKE A FOOL)

Maybe it’s just THAT relationship Biankah, maybe you just really liked him. Nope it wasn’t that, don’t get me wrong I did like him a lot but I allowed myself to be played because he was so good in bed and I didn’t want to lose that. Also I realised in my current relationship the minute I  started to think about ending my celibacy journey I started to overlook vital things and accept below average treatment…no está bien! Got back on track and started shooting down what was not acceptable.

We are now in an age where we look at social media couples as goals and seek knowledge from people that are also on their own journey. I’m not saying it is wrong to seek advice from people that look like they have it all together but let us not idolise their relationships and focus on growing and strengthening our own. If we invest as much energy, time and effort into our own relationships as we do poking our noses into other people’s lives you too could be in a ‘goals’ worthy relationship.

So Malaika…so what are you saying is the difference between loving someone and loving the idea of loving someone?

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Okay, okay..let me give you my opinion.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I believe that this is expected from both parties, if one is doing all this and another isn’t,it is unbalance and unhealthy…address it! You don’t have to be a christian to know that these are the values of love. I have found myself in ‘situations’ because I was in love with the idea of love, calling someone mine, having pet names for each other, introducing someone as my other half, dinner dates, cuddles and great sex (not with all my ‘situations’…average, horrible, below average and some never got the cooch!) I definitely was not in love but I loved the idea of it.

What are your ideas of Love? Are you in love or are you in love with the idea of love? Have you ever been in love?

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M.B.C x

Repossession

I have had a few things on my mind today, I already had a post edited and ready to be posted but I started to write something else that I want to share today.

Monday was a very lonely day for me even though I was surrounded by people, it was so weird but I felt so heavy. I went to bed on Monday night after a long day travelling, I thought I would just klonk the moment I put my head on my pillow but it was a whole different story. That night was one of the very few times I wanted to call someone to vent and cry, I quickly picked my phone up and started to scroll through my phone book. Even though I have a few great friends that would do so much for me I don’t think I have ever called on them in the middle of the night to just cry and talk. I then realised that I am that person for some people but I never really break down in front of people, I don’t think I’m comfortable enough to call someone and say “I need help.”

I then put my phone down, curled myself into a ball and cried myself to sleep. Now, why am I sharing this?

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I’m sharing this because I know they are people out there that are like me, they cannot bring themselves to admit that they are feeling broken. Before we continue, it has nothing to do with the quality of friends I have but this might be the case with other people. I have some amazing friends, very few, that I know if I called would stay up and comfort me. It was such a difficult night and I didn’t go to bed till like half 4.

Last night I decided to watch one of my favourite dramas and I laughed so much, it helped me get my mind off whatever I was going through. Even though whatever is happening is still happening I had a break last night and just laughed, I hadn’t laughed like that in ages. I must admit it did scare me a little because I thought..oh snap what’s going to happen now. I felt even though my laugh was so genuine and I truly enjoyed my night, my laugh was masking so much pain.

My sister then suggested I watched something that she was watching at that time (not because of how I was feeling, I don’t speak much you see)  but I just wanted to sleep, I was so tired. Turned my laptop off and plugged my phone in and went to bed. I woke up this morning with an urge to read but didn’t know what I wanted to read but I knew I wanted to find something that made me laugh like the show I watched last night.

So again the question, why am I sharing this?

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Rather than finding a solution to the issue I keep running away from it and trying to find temporal happiness/enjoyment/good feeling. I finally decided to watch the video my sister suggested, and wow maybe I should have watched it earlier but again I think I watched it at the perfect time.

I watched a sermon by Pastor Steven Furtick – “It had to happen.”

It just opened my eyes to the things that have been happening to me. Some because of the bad decisions I have made and some because of other stuff. I can come up with alternative outcomes (shoulda, coulda, woulda), or many reasons as to why some things happened and sometimes even search for reasons why somethings have happened. However in the end it doesn’t matter the reason, what matters is the revelation you get from it.

Revelation is more powerful that reason

Again the question, ‘why am I sharing this?’ Comes up.

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I’m sharing this to let you know that despite whatever hardship you are going through it’s not permanent. Don’t focus too much on what’s happening and why it’s happening, instead continue to remind yourself you are bigger than your problem. Continue to fight back and look for solutions to the problems you are facing and not the reasons you are facing the problems. Bite back harder!

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I know I know, easier said than done right? It is very easy to say but in all honesty, as I am saying this I am still fighting battles and there are days I really want to just give up but my purpose is much bigger and I have to fight back and keep rising.

How bad do you want it? How bad do you want to live? How bad do you want to succeed? How bad do you want peace? How bad to you want happiness?

Answer these questions then put on your armour and go out and take back what is yours, don’t let anyone or anything steal you from you.

God bless

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M.B.C x

You are what??!

I’m celibate, what is the big deal?

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How did you decide to be celibate? Why did you choose to be celibate? Those are some of the common questions asked. In the beginning it started off as me not being in a relationship then quickly turned to a growth journey for me, I’m talking 2 weeks into it lol. I found that as time went by I was figuring myself out and learning to really just love me for who I am. Before we continue let me just give you a bit more of a background of my character. I’m one of those people that once I decide to do something I do it to the fullest, I’m taking about what others would see as extreme lol.

So once I had decided that I was doing this for my personal growth (don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you can’t grow if you are not celibate, it’s just how I decided to do it), I set goals for myself and I made sure to hit them. Every time I would hit a goal I would make sure to tell myself how proud I am of myself and to treat myself. Sounds funny doesn’t it? Treating yourself because you are refraining from sex and what not, but honestly it strengthened me because it made me realise how strong I am and just how great of a catch I am lol. Along with my goals I decided to cut out men in general, like I said I go to the extremes. I decided to give myself one whole year by myself, no relationships…nada! I’m not going to say it was easy but reminding myself why I was doing it helped me out a lot. The hardest months for me were the first 3/4 months. Also weirdly after I had decided to do this there suddenly came a flood of ‘wanna be potentials’ haha. Had to stand there with a fly swatter.

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(JOKES lool).

 

A few months passed and I then learned to enjoy my walk and learn new things about my self, I began to see how much strength was within me. Some people reading this will be like “Is it really that hard?”

Yes and no, yes it is hard because once you have opened up yourself to that it makes it harder to curb especially when you meet someone you are sexually attracted to. No, in the sense that if the reason you are doing it is much stronger than being intimate with someone who you are not certain things will work out with, then to some extent it becomes easy. So in my first year I avoided males in general (not that I was going for females btw…okayyyy.) After a year I thought ‘Damn B, you are stronger than you thought lets try the dating thing again.’ Now I said I would be honest and 1 year passed, got in contact with an ex and everything that I had built burned down and the worst bit is…IT WASN’T WORTH IT! The next few weeks I beat myself up about it and recoiled and slightly started to self destruct but something in me refused to give into anymore temptations. I will gladly say, it is only by God’s grace that I didn’t falter again. I pulled myself back up, told myself it was one mistake and it was time to get back on that horse because my journey had only just began. I dated during this time and was always somewhat open after sometime with the guys I spoke to, and like always there were a few who thought they could change that for me…they failed. There was one close call though…we thank God we dodged that bullet.

I am now in a serious relationship with someone I can see myself spending the rest of my life with, and when this topic came up I was so sure of my decision (that’s for another post tho…look out for ‘Dating whilst celibate’.) I will say though that because there’s distance between us its easier to control because there is so much sexual attraction which is good for later in our future *wink wink* lol.

Before this gets long and boring I’ll end here for now, but it is not the end of my celibate walk. I will be posting answers to the questions I get in regards to celibacy. As you have all seen from some of my previous posts I am a sexual being but I want to be that and more with my husband and that’s a personal choice, so if you aren’t celibate no condemnations from this end.

Before you decide to be celibate look at the reasons you are doing it, don’t just do it because it is in fashion now. I feel like its now become a trend because many influential people in the media are doing it. It should have a much deeper reason, then you will understand and appreciate the meaning of it and your journey, it’s not just a waiting game.

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M.B.C x

New post tomorrow xx

 

Relationships to sextuationships…

33ec1a954440b1f9125acef6dd819393The past posts have been stories about my personal experiences/relationships…this one is a little different. Instead of just writing about events in my life I’m just going off on a semi rant…or maybe I’m not ranting and just thinking out loud, hmmmmm.

I haven’t been in a relationship/situationship/sextuationship for almost a year now and funny enough I feel happier and more whole now than I did when I was ‘seeing’ someone (yes let’s use that word to categorise all relations.) Only those very close to me would know and understand how big of a thing this is for me.

Let’s go back a little in my life for you guys to understand the direction and reason for this post. If you have met me you would know that I am confident, bubbly, always chatting, far from unattractive ( I’m not conceited btw), and talented too…but like many I have dealt with major low self-esteem. I believe not many people would have seen it especially if you were not VERY close to me, I’m not talking about them fake close friendships but friends that actually took the time to know me and are still in my life now. From the age of 16, I have never been ‘not seeing’ someone for more than 2 months. Wait hold up now before you get your fingers out and try counting my peoples lol. In this time I have had serious relationships and not so serious ones.At this point in my life I thought having someone next to me made me better, and I always wanted to be better so I always had someone next to me…even when that person wasn’t adding anything to my life. This post is my personal view by the way, it is in no way telling others how to live. Also some people might be in the exact same position I was in and not happy in whatever relationship/situationship they are having with someone.

When I look back at the relations I have had and listening to some of my friends’ problems, the more I see that ‘relationships’ are progressively becoming sextuationships. It’s crazy how high ‘sex’ is on the relationship ladder, I didn’t see this until I stepped away from this scene. Isn’t it funny how we say we are in relationships yet know so little about our partners…their hurts, their flaws, their strengths, their likes, their hates, their life goals. Yet we know the feel of their breasts, the feel of their asses, the feel of their hands on you, the taste of them, what your kisses do to them and even the feel of their back…their backs people!!!

Take a step back and look at what activities you do when you are together, we spend so much time having sex rather than talking and sharing what’s going on with us or just doing outdoor activities together. Guys you spend so much time squeezing her breasts but if she had to have a lump in her breast would you even know? I mean this is the worst case scenario but still shit like this can happen. Girls if your man was to have a growth in his scrotum would you know? 

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‘Sex in the morning, sex in the evening, sex whenever you need it…’

Th other day a very good friend of mine and I had a conversation, one of the only guys who knows EVERYTHING about me, like I can tell this guy anything. We didn’t even plan to speak about this but you know when you get talking, the topic came up and my friend said to me ‘You know, I have never heard you say you need to get some or you want some…are you okay?’ Looooool. Only then did it hit me…’OH SHIT! its been almost a year!’ The more I think about this the more I’m inclined to continue being celibate and going about my business until I find someone I can share minds with, share feelings with and not just physical connections.

That’s enough from me, I have so much to say about this topic and so many questions I want to ask but if I keep going its going to be a mini book lool.

Please people, when reading this do not think I am passing judgement on anyone and what their choices are. If you are truly happy and fulfilled in your relationships that’s amazing, continue doing what you are doing and I wish you more happiness. This is just a personal ‘thinking out loud’ moment.

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M.B.C x